


Enough

by dancing_with_the_daffodils



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cuddling, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Tumblr Prompt, cheesy-ass trope, kind of though like they just graduated so idk if that counts, pocahontas discourse, they are sad baby boys but it turns out okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 06:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11526795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancing_with_the_daffodils/pseuds/dancing_with_the_daffodils
Summary: "That's my ex-boyfriend.  I hate his guts," he said bitterly, old, unhappy memories resurfacing."Well," Thomas began slowly, seeming to be mulling over his answer carefully.  Alexander couldn't imagine why, until Thomas actually opened his mouth and spoke.  "Kiss me so they see."--In which Alexander Hamilton has been in love with Thomas Jefferson for years, and he makes a choice.Based on a Tumblr prompt.





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to my very best friend Kay who is the light of my life and the whole reason I ship jamilton in the first place. I love you, girl.

Professor Washington's graduation party was not an affair to be missed. Every year, Washington's favorite recent graduates were invited to his home to party with his favorite alumni, many of whom were successful. So, not only could one enjoy Martha Washington's _legendary_ food, but could also hope to make some invaluable connections.

Because of that, Alexander Hamilton had made damn sure he was on the guest list. And yet, six whirlwind conversations and two glasses of wine later, Alexander found himself alone with Thomas Jefferson and Lafayette, both of whom were engaged in some sort of rich-people conversation about their tax bracket. Alexander couldn't relate to it and had little to say (not that the conversation was that interesting anyway) since he was more or less dirt-poor. Combine boring conversations with Thomas Jefferson, and it made for one very, very unhappy Alexander Hamilton.

Alexander fully intended to slip away and go find John Laurens as soon as possible, because as much as he loved Lafayette, conversations involving Jefferson were insufferable. Not only were his opinions complete and utter shit, but his stupid, hot face made it incredibly hard to hate him or form an effective argument, which seemed to be the only type of conversation Jefferson cared to have.

"Lafayette, my dear friend, I must inform you that your Disney opinions are absolutely incorrect, and that just because the movie was problematic does not mean that Snow White is better than Pocahontas," Thomas argued, and Alexander was quickly pulled back to earth. Jefferson looked absolutely adamant about _Pocahontas_ of all things.

"Okay, how the fuck did you get from tax brackets to Pocahontas?" Alexander interjected incredulously. "Also are you implying that Pocahontas wasn't complete and utter trash? Because I would argue otherwise. If not for white money-hungry power-thirsty imperialists like John Smith, Pocahontas's way of life wouldn't have been destroyed. The movie makes non-native Americans feel better about what actually happened to Native Americans and trivializes the seriousness of colonialism. But Snow White was terrible, her voice made me want to eat nails and she had the independence of a rock. It's the perfect picture of sexism, Snow White is the idealized young woman who exists solely for her 'prince.' She's like, a manic pixie dream girl," he ranted, already prepared to argue.

"It is the flow of conversation, Alexander," Lafayette said simply. "And Snow White is not terrible, it is a lovely, happy movie with a few traditional ideas that don't reflect my opinions. I like it and still have a feminist worldview," he said evenly, obviously not feeling up to an argument with Alexander, since his eyes were already scanning the room over Thomas's shoulder, perhaps searching for an excuse to escape.

"Hey, Gloria Steinem, it's not that deep. It's a fucking Disney movie," Thomas responded, exasperation evident in his tone. "And it's a good movie—a much better one than Snow White, by the way. But Snow White is _not_ a manic pixie dream girl, my God, Hamilton. Stop using cliché terms you don't understand to sound more feminist," he said, rolling his eyes.

Alexander narrowed his eyes. Why did he like Thomas again? "Excuse me—"

"Oh, hey! I see Hercules, I must be going! You two have fun, I hate to say goodbye," Lafayette said quickly, looking not remotely upset to leave as he started to walk away.

Alex stared desperately at his retreating form and spluttered protests. "Laf, wait, you can't—"

"Au revoir!" Lafayette called over his shoulder, waving carelessly to the two boys he'd left alone together. The smirk he threw Alexander's way did not go unnoticed, and he felt heat rise to his cheeks. Lafayette sashayed jauntily over to Hercules, and immediately the couple wandered over to the table of food in the opposite direction of Alexander and Thomas.

Alexander watched him helplessly, immediately sinking into a reverie. Lafayette was messing with him, he had to be, because he'd left him alone with not only his rival, but long-time crush, and suddenly, there was not a single person in the room he felt as though he could leave Thomas to talk to. After a while, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he was jerked back to reality.

"Hey, Earth to Hamilton. You still with us?" Thomas asked, one eyebrow cocked and mouth twitching in the ghost of a smile, amusement flashing in his eyes.

Alex coldly shrugged off Thomas's hand, despite not actually hating it being there. "Yeah, I was just thinking. Did you say something?" he asked, almost shrinking under Thomas's gaze. He hated how panicked he could make Alex feel with just a patronizing not-quite smirk. It was pathetic.

"Don't think too hard, you'll hurt yourself," Thomas remarked, and there it was, a total and complete smirk. God, Alex was in deep. "I was just wondering about how, after exhausting all political topics in debate, you manage to argue with me about Pocahontas of all things when I distinctly remember you and John leading a chorus of 'Colors of the Wind' at Lafayette's birthday party after only one drink."

Alexander turned bright red and opened his mouth to argue, then closed it again, unable to form an actual response. He wasn't drunk, not even buzzed, and he vividly remembered it. His voice was godawful, but he knew all the words from Disney marathons with the Schuylers. A drunken John had insisted, and so he carried on with more exuberance than he cared to admit. "It's a good song," he defended lamely, knowing he had been caught.

Jefferson snickered. "A good song that belongs to a good movie," he said confidently, knowing that he'd won. Alexander shot him a look, but didn't reply, which confirmed his victory.

Alexander pouted in silence for a few moments, looking at his surroundings. His eyes landing on Lafayette, who had found himself surrounded by at least eight people and was talking animatedly, making exaggerated gestures with his hands. "Do you think Lafayette ever gets tired?" he asked abruptly.

"Lafayette?" Thomas repeated, brows furrowed as he followed Alex's line of sight, his eyes landing on the man in question. "No. Yes. Just not of people. Why do you ask?"

"He's like, an endless fountain of energy. Like, he just talks to so many people and he never seems to get tired of it? He's just so...boisterous," Alexander remarked, seeming bewildered and running his fingers through his hair distractedly. It struck him how energetic Lafayette was, and coming from Alex, that was saying a lot.

"And you're not boisterous?" Thomas asked in disbelief, eyes flickering up to the other boy's hair and following his movements.

Alex made a face. "I mean, yeah, but it gets tiring. I can sit here and talk to people and be charming—"

"Humble, too."

"—all night without a hitch, but the minute I get home, I'm dead. But when he gets home, it's all 'hey guys do you wanna go grab a beer or stay up until three in the morning talking about our feelings?' It's exhausting, I don't know how he does it," he responded, ignoring Thomas's interruption.

"Hamilton, don't tell me that you ever go to sleep before like five in the morning, I wake up at the ass-crack of dawn and see you in Twitter wars that started at two," Thomas argued, snorting in amusement.

"I don't ever go to sleep, period, but the point is that when I'm tired at night I'm usually irritated with everyone and so I'm alone. Lafayette just wants to stay up talking until he physically cannot keep his eyes open, then crashes for eight hours and wakes up and starts all over," Alexander said, and suddenly it hit him. He and Thomas were talking, like two completely normal human beings, and they weren't fighting. The revelation was enough to make his head spin, but the euphoria was short-lived. Over to the side somewhere, he saw an annoyingly familiar head of well-kept blond hair. "Oh, shit. Hide me," he cursed, heart plummeting as he maneuvered himself around so that he wouldn't see him.

Thomas looked bewildered, and looked behind him, craning his neck to see what was bothering him. "Hamilton, what the fuck? Why are you freaking out, who—"

"Jefferson, shut the hell up and stop looking, you're drawing attention to us," Alexander hissed, grabbing Thomas's arm and forcing him to look back at Alex. He tried to sneak a peek and find the blond head he was so wary of, and—oh, no. A pretty girl with straight, black hair was standing right next to him. Two of his exes at the same party, and with horror, he saw that they were _holding hands._ "God damn it," he spat. Perfect. This was just peachy.

"Oh my god, Hamilton, I'll stop looking around, but for Christ's sake, tell me what you're losing your damn mind over," Jefferson demanded, crossing his arms and shifting his weight to one leg, cocking his hip.

Alexander huffed. "Okay, so be discreet. You see that couple over there by the painting of the lake, the blond dude with Eliza? His name is John André. And he's with Eliza."

Thomas looked intently to his left, spotting the two just as John kissed Eliza's cheek. He was much less discreet than Alex would've hoped, but there was only so much one could do with out training in espionage. "Okay? John André with your ex-girlfriend. Aren't you on good terms with Eliza? Why is that such a big deal?"

Alexander nodded impatiently. "Yeah, sure, with Eliza. But John André? That's my ex-boyfriend. I hate his guts," he said bitterly, old, unhappy memories resurfacing.

"Well," Thomas began slowly, seeming to be mulling over his answer carefully. Alexander couldn't imagine why, until Thomas actually opened his mouth and spoke. "Kiss me so they see," he suggested, his voice and expression guarded.

Alexander's jaw dropped and he stared blankly at Thomas for a minute, hardly able to register what Thomas had just said. "You—I'm sorry, what?" he asked weakly, his eyes glancing down to Thomas's lips and _oh god if Jefferson was just fucking with him he might cry._ It was a more-than-outlandish proposal, and it made no sense for someone who despised Alex to suggest something like that, but there they were.

"I said to kiss me so they see. It'll make them mad, or maybe show them that you've moved on, or something," Thomas explained, and suddenly he seemed much less confident in it. Still, he didn't retract his offer. "But whatever you do, do it now, because I think Eliza's pulling him in our direction," he said hastily, glancing at the two out of the corner of his eye.

Alexander hesitated for only a second. Was this really how he wanted his first and possibly only kiss to be with Thomas? He figured he'd take what he could get. "Okay," he murmured, and there was no way he could turn back now. Taking one last nervous look in Thomas's eyes, Alexander closed the distance between them and tilted his head up, pressing his lips to Thomas's. 

Alexander always considered himself to be fairly good at taking control or at least restraining himself, but Jesus, he'd waited for this for forever. And so he absolutely _melted,_ hooking his arms up around his neck, which was absolutely pathetic and embarrassing, considering that this probably meant nothing to Thomas, but he had nothing to lose. Thomas hesitated, then put his hands on Alex's waist and pulled him ever-so-gently closer. It was total bliss, because despite Alex's heart hammering in his chest and a thousand different thoughts racing through his brain, Thomas's lips were soft and sure, moving gently against his own. And it just felt...right.

Until it didn't.

Without warning, panic spiked in his chest and began to eat him up mercilessly. This meant absolutely nothing to Thomas. It was probably just a joke, one Thomas would use against him for years. Oh, yeah, that Alexander Hamilton? Just a fucked-up kid who thought that Thomas would actually be dumb enough to like him.

Alex broke away sharply as the self-loathing churned in his stomach. "I have to go," he mumbled, looking at the ground and running, not waiting to hear Thomas's reaction. Tears prickling the corners of his eyes, he pushed through a few groups of people desperately, thoughts crowding his head as he stumbled out of the house and down the block to his car, fumbling for his keys and throwing himself inside. He collapsed into the driver's seat, put his head in his hands, and wept.

He was so stupid. As if Thomas would ever actually want to kiss him. Like he actually cared about him. They were all probably laughing at him right now, he could just imagine it. Thomas was probably explaining how Alex was practically putty in his hands, all naive and helpless. He was probably mocking his doe-eyed 'I'm sorry, what?' and his pitiful fleeing and crying. It was all just a fucking joke, and Alex was the punchline. Ugly and pathetic and annoying and useless and loud and stubborn and so, so _stupid._

It felt like hours had passed before there was a knock on his car window. No. They couldn't see him like this, he was so weak and he hoped that if he ignored them they would go away. But there was another knock, and so Alex wiped his eyes with the palm of his hand, trying to control the sobs that wracked his body. It took a minute for him to calm down just a little bit and gather the courage to look up. His breath caught in his throat and he saw that it was Thomas, and he really didn't want to do this.

Swallowing bile, Alexander shakily opened the car door and rose from the seat, letting the door click shut behind him. Alex didn't make eye contact with him, he couldn't. Not when he was still crying and a mess and weak. There was a moment of painful silence before Alexander spoke, voice unsteady and cracking with distress. "What do you want?"

It was quiet for too long after Alex spoke. "Why did you leave?" Thomas asked finally, his voice sounding strained. "You just...ran away. I was worried."

"Since when did you care?" Alexander growled, suddenly angry, both at himself for falling for it and at Thomas for starting it. "I'm not some game or joke, so if that's what all that was, you can fuck off," he lashed out angrily.

"It wasn't some joke, you prick, I don't kiss people for kicks," Thomas defended in frustration, sounding like he was being pushed far more than he ever had in any of their nastiest arguments.

"Then why the hell did you tell me to kiss you and then pretend you cared? Don't patronize me," Alexander spat sharply, his voice crescendoing to a yell. Thomas had never seemed to care about him before, so it wasn't like this would be any different.

"Jesus Christ, Alexander, it's because I'm in love with you!" Thomas shouted, and Alex's eyes shot up immediately, his brain coming to a screeching halt. 

"You...what?" he whispered. Alex searched Thomas's face for anything that might indicate whether he was telling the truth or not. But Thomas was either an incredible actor, or being honest. He looked distraught, features contorted in pain and tears leaking from his wide brown eyes, lips quivering in apprehension.

"I'm in love with you," Thomas repeated much more quietly, the words hanging in the dead silence between them. When Alex didn't respond, he wiped his eyes. "It's ridiculous. I know. But I have for years. Two years ago, when we were on that stupid camping trip with Washington—"

"Thomas, stop," Alex broke in, but Thomas kept going.

"—We were sitting by the fire. You were writing in a journal and you looked like you were glowing in the light and that's when I realized that I never wanted to look away. So, that's why I asked you. I never meant—"

"Thomas, _please_ ," Alexander begged. "I love you too."

The confession stopped Thomas in his tracks. "You do?" he asked, overwhelmed with relief. "Then why did you leave? I thought I scared you off," he pressed, still confused.

"I thought it was a joke and that you would never actually like me or want to kiss me. I was terrified that you would think I was pathetic. And even if you really only just wanted to help me mess with John and Eliza, I knew that when it was done I would do something stupid and make it obvious how I felt while you just...didn't feel the same way," Alexander admitted, looking down at the ground in shame and insecurity.

"Hey, look at me," Thomas said softly, placing his hand underneath Alexander's chin and gently guiding his face so that their eyes met, wiping away the last of his tears with the pad of his thumb. "Don't worry about any of that anymore. I love you, and I would like to kiss you again, properly, if that's alright with you," he requested, his lips curling into a shy smile.

Alexander blushed, butterflies swarming in his stomach, and nodded. "Yes. Absolutely." Thomas loved him. Everything was going to be okay.

"Good," Thomas murmured, and immediately brought Alex's face up to his own, putting his free hand behind his head and threading his fingers through Alex's soft hair. He connected their lips slowly, the sensation sending Alex's mind into a frenzy. Alex looped his arms behind Thomas's neck and relaxed into the kiss, their lips moving together perfectly in sync. It wasn't demanding, it wasn't sloppy, it wasn't harsh. There was no bite to it, no expectations behind it. It was patient and warm and comforting, and Alex couldn't imagine anything more perfect.

After a few minutes, Thomas stopped the kiss, leaning their foreheads together and lips still only an inch apart. He broke into a smile and they stayed there, savoring the moment. Alex gazed into his kind brown eyes, marveling at how lucky he was, and how it had finally come to this.

"You don't have to stop doing that if you don't want to, you know," Alex suggested finally, and when Thomas laughed softly it was like music. He obliged and kissed him again, short and sweet, before pulling back.

"Are you feeling okay now?" Thomas asked, taking both of Alexander's hands in his own and looking at him in concern, a gentle smile on his face.

"I'm good," Alex answered, each new touch giving his goosebumps, even if it was as simple as holding hands. "I don't really want to go back in there, though," he admitted, glancing apprehensively up at the front door of the Washingtons' home.

"That's fine, I don't either," Thomas agreed. He hesitated before speaking again. "Why don't we go back to my place instead and watch a movie? I'll order a pizza and raid the freezer for ice cream, and you can pick the movie," he offered nervously.

"Is this a date?" Alexander asked with a grin. "As long as the pizza is sans pineapple and the movie doesn't involve singing animals, I accept."

"Wait, you don't like pineapple on pizza? Bless your poor, uncultured heart, Alexander, your life must be so bland," Thomas responded, exaggerated pity and disappointment on his features.

"Wait, you actually _like_ pineapple on pizza?" Alexander asked incredulously, his face wrinkled in disgust. "Pineapple pizza is a disgrace to all good food."

"You can pick the damn pineapple off, Alex," Thomas remarked, rolling his eyes. "Or I'll get half-and-half, my God."

"Pineapple is like a disease on pizza, it completely ruins anything it ever touches. The pineapple juice permanently taints the pizza," Alex responded passionately, already shifting into Argument Mode. He took his hands out of Thomas's and crossed his arms defensively.

"Oh my god. Alexander Hamilton, I am not arguing with you about pineapple on pizza in front of George Washington's house. Can we go and figure this out like normal people in the car or at home?" Thomas asked, sighing in exasperation.

"Fine, but it's not my fault your taste buds suck," Alexander huffed, turning bright red.

"Whatever you say, darling," Thomas allowed, his brown eyes glimmering with amusement. "Let's go, Alex," he said, putting his arm around Alexander's shoulder and leading him to his car, smiling all the while.

\---

One car ride, six pieces of pizza, two-thirds of a tub of neapolitan ice cream, one argument over which Disney movie to watch, and nearly all of Tangled later, Alexander found himself curled up next to Thomas on the couch. It had been awkward at first, both of them a little unsure and clumsy, but at the end of the night, neither of them were really paying attention to the movie. Alex was resting his head on Thomas's chest, their legs intertwined and Thomas's arm around him. The credits rolled and they remained tangled together.

"I should go," Alexander said finally, not making any attempt to move. The couch was far too comfortable and Thomas was far too warm for him to follow through with that suggestion.

"Don't," Thomas muttered sleepily, holding Alex just a little tighter. "Stay." He reached behind him and blindly pressed buttons on the remote until the television flickered off, leaving them in the dark.

"Okay," Alex said, needing no convincing. John would blow up his phone with questions and assumptions, but it was okay. He never, ever wanted this moment to end.

As the two fell into a comfortable silence, Alexander couldn't help but think about all of it. He'd gone from thinking Thomas hated him to kissing him to being on his way to falling asleep in Thomas's arms in one day. "Thomas," he began suddenly, lifting his head and sitting up, looking down at Thomas even though there was no light to illuminate him.

"What is it, Alexander?" Thomas asked, words slurred as he was barely awake. He blindly reached out for Alex, cold from the sudden absence of heat, and hit his arm clumsily before finding his hand.

"We've loved each other for two years and never said anything about it. We could've been together so much earlier, we waited so long. Why did we lose so much time?" Alex asked, suddenly very regretful and dissatisfied. He and Thomas might've been living together at this point, maybe with a dog, spending Christmases with each other and celebrating anniversaries. They'd missed so much.

"I don't think it matters. Now you've got me, and I've got you, and I don't plan on that changing any time soon. We've got the rest of our lives to figure it out, okay?" Thomas murmured after a while.

Alex smiled, heart aglow. "Okay. Good night, Thomas," he said, settling back down on his chest like before.

Thomas wrapped his arm back around Alex and held him close. "Good night, Alex," he muttered, voice heavy. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Alex's head, and they sunk back into a peaceful quiet.

Alex lay there, struggling to stay awake as Thomas's chest rose and fell steadily. He listened to Thomas's breathing become steady, indicating that he had fallen asleep. Thomas was right. They had the rest of their lives to figure it out. And that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm incredibly insecure about this, but it's the only thing I've had the motivation to finish in a year. By the way, I know the whole John André/Eliza thing is kind of out of left field, but I wanted to make it relatively believable without demonizing any of the existing characters. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, and kudos/comments are always appreciated, even if it's constructive criticism!


End file.
